Today I Thank God for: Green Porno.

I cannot believe that it took me this long to find this amazing show. Isabella Rosselini, I know longer think of you as Ross’ sex fantasy on Friends. In fact, I salute you. You are now just plain awesome.

awwww… how romantic.

Woo hoo! I’m graduating this week! I’ve been lacking in the posts due to the fact that I devoted the last week to moving. I’m not really sure why Laura and I insisted on living so close to ASU since we are both done with school. I feel like a perv if I scope anyone out… what if they are fresh meat? That’s just a waste of time. I’m looking forward to being a cougar, but I’m saving that for my later years. I’m pretty sure the only solution to this problem is donning a sign that reads: GRAD STUDENTS ONLY.

I already warned you— if I offend you, I really don’t care. But if you can blame Laura for this one. Good find, doll.

My Random 80’s Throwback. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw

I graduate in a month which means I have to get crackin’ on “real job” searching. I thought it was a smart idea to take down some potentially harmful quotes so my future boss can take me seriously. Here is a list of some of the tweets I had to take down. I think the last one speaks for itself. Oh, and if you don’t already follow me on twitter, please do: @deniseprichard.

1) I wonder what my gyno would think if she knew I was reading “My Horizontal Life” by @chelsealately in her office. 11:44 AM Mar 15th via TweetDeck

　2) @LilJon RT: HAVE A GOOD SUNDAY MOTHERFUCKERSSSS!!!

1:44 PM Mar 14th via webLilJon

3) Thank you @chelsealately for being as drunk as I was at your show. Cheers! 11:27 PM Mar 12th via TweetDeck

4) All right, later dudes. S you in your A’s, don’t wear a C, and J all over your B’s.” 11:53 PM Feb 11th via TweetDeck

5) just found out that @CPiel is pregnant with my lovechild. #FAIL

6)@alejandrahill: If you’re lucky, maybe she will hump you one day. http://bit.ly/JneWP

7)@macburbs i am a devoted follower of the cougar tribe. just showin my 50 year olds some love. 11:04 PM Jan 27th via TweetDeck

8)How is female larry bird holding hands with some guy. what am i doing wrong? 9:26 PM Jan 26th via TweetDeck

9) Glitter is like the herpes of arts & crafts. 11:36 PM Jan 22nd via TweetDeck

10)who says you have to be 50 and drink Beringer White Zin to be a cougar? 10:42 AM Jan 22nd via TweetDeck

11) …I meant going out for a few pizzas. Where is your head at? I guess I live in a house full of sex maniacs. 10:46 PM Jan 13th via TweetDeck

12) ok.. new resolution… take every hump day literally. 10:22 PM Jan 4th via TweetDeck

13) @CPiel ooowah ooowah. twitter mating. 1:57 AM Dec 15th, 2009 via web

14) Thank you God for: Whitney Houston. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t know that crack was whack and we wouldn’t have The Bodyguard. 1:02 AM Dec 15th, 2009 via web

15) follow my blog at: http://swizzlestick.tumblr.com/ 3:42 PM Sep 4th, 2009

via web

Today I Thank God For: Brownie Husband.

Saturday Night Live has done it again. They have created something that will change the lives of every woman in the world: Brownie Husband. Brownie Husband is by far the greatest invention EVER. This is not up for debate, so don’t even try. Who wouldn’t want to spend the rest of their life with a hunk of chocolately goodness? And caramel runs through his veins? Oh, I’m sold. Betty Crocker, get out your mixer— I am requesting an order of a 1000.

Watch Brownie Husband Video:

for those of you who think you can take me seriously, I have created another account called “Write Now” at deniseprichard.tumblr.com. It will have some book reviews, poetry, short fiction and what not. I may put some photos up there too. I’m thinking you should probably check it out even if you are like most people and refuse to take me seriously. Toodles.

Ok, we can all admit it. This most recent “Bachelor”, Jake Pavelka, is a down right hottilicious piece of man meat. ANd if you’re a fan of Entertainment Tonight, you may have caught the segment where he laughed off this question: “Did you do The Bachelor because you were broke?” I’m know what you are thinking… Denise, he is broke and he just can’t admit it national television. Oh, I beg to differ people. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is one rich-ass pilot. So if The Bachelor is starting to offer up hottilicious pilots as their prize, why wouldn’t I be inspired to apply for The Bachelor. And with all those crazy women that get on the show, I am destined to be picked. I sent my application in about 3 months ago and I haven’t heard a word. Please don’t tell me that I have been rejected by the show that was made for rejected people. hahaha fail.

Since I know the Annual Easter Egg Hunt will only last 2 minutes this year (I have been training for this for months… I got this), I needed to come up with something to entertain myself with for the rest of the day. Lucky for me, and for you, I have stumbled upon this magnificent blog. A tip of the hat to person who created this gem of a blog. So come! Let us celebrate the magic of Jesus. http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/569/index.html

Ok.. this is another new segment: Past Celebrity Couples that I Wish Were Still Together. Volume 1.

Emilio Estevez and Paula Abdul.

Whatever happened with this golden couple of 1988? Actually… whatever happened to Emilio? I haven’t seen him since the last edition of the Mighty Ducks. We know where Paula has been this whole time— chomping on pain meds and washing them down with the always classy, White Zin. Maybe this isn’t a recent development of hers… maybe Emilio knew all along. I take two steps, forward, I take two steps back… Well Emilio took two steps to the right and peaced out.

Today I Thank God for: Tyra Banks

To be honest, I really don’t feel like I need to explain myself here. I love Tyra Banks. Now drop it. However, while I was overdosing on America’s Next Top Model today, I came across another reason why I love ANTM so much: It’s loveable stupidity. Each cycle Tyra announces an exciting and exotic destination for the top girls on the show. In this particular cycle Tyra announces that the girls are going to Africa—- while the girls are surrounded by lions and bears from a previous shoot. For any of you that have seen even one episode of this show know that when Tyra makes this announcement— or even anytime she walks on camera— the girls lose all control and start screaming and crying and making complete fools of themselves. In this particular situation with lions and bears I wouldn’t think that screaming and crying would be such a great idea. However, the power of Tyra Banks was there to protect them and each of those girls walked away unharmed. I think it is safe to say that Tyra Banks is a goddess. I mean, she even makes vaseline look awesome http://tinyurl.com/ya3t7w9. Even Oprah couldn’t pull that off.

(To view the video, click on “View Original Post”)