June 2011
4 posts
3 tags
WatchAnd THIS is why my family is BETTER than yours. Uncle Kim.. you gotZ some skillZZZZZ.
May 2011
2 posts
Is it weird to post another blog as my blog entry?... →
WatchYou men and your johnsons…
February 2011
6 posts
July 2010
1 post
WatchPlease watch this. It’s amazing. Frighteningly amazing.
June 2010
1 post
May 2010
4 posts
tsk tsk Arizona. →
April 2010
8 posts
Tweets I had to delete in order to get a job.
I graduate in a month which means I have to get crackin’ on “real job” searching. I thought it was a smart idea to take down some potentially harmful quotes so my future boss can take me seriously. Here is a list of some of the tweets I had to take down. I think the last one speaks for itself. Oh, and if you don’t already follow me on twitter, please do: @deniseprichard.
...
I have started another blog.
for those of you who think you can take me seriously, I have created another account called “Write Now” at deniseprichard.tumblr.com. It will have some book reviews, poetry, short fiction and what not. I may put some photos up there too. I’m thinking you should probably check it out even if you are like most people and refuse to take me seriously. Toodles.
Access Denied.
Ok, we can all admit it. This most recent “Bachelor”, Jake Pavelka, is a down right hottilicious piece of man meat. ANd if you’re a fan of Entertainment Tonight, you may have caught the segment where he laughed off this question: “Did you do The Bachelor because you were broke?” I’m know what you are thinking… Denise, he is broke and he just can’t...
Happy Easter to all my little bunnies!
Since I know the Annual Easter Egg Hunt will only last 2 minutes this year (I have been training for this for months… I got this), I needed to come up with something to entertain myself with for the rest of the day. Lucky for me, and for you, I have stumbled upon this magnificent blog. A tip of the hat to person who created this gem of a blog. So come! Let us celebrate the magic of Jesus....
March 2010
10 posts
Jeopardy fail
Today, Laura and I were competing against each other in a game of Jeopardy, like we do everyday. Now, Laura is usually really good at Jeopardy, but she was a bit off today. Here is what went down.
Alex Trebek: In 2002 this New Orleans pianist and singer patented a device that let musicians read the score off computer screens.
Laura: What are teleprompters?!?!
Jeopardy Contestant Steve: Who is Harry Connick, Jr?
Alex Trebek: Correct Steve.
Denise: Wow, that wasn't even close.
Bitches be loco.
I’m pretty sure that the moral of this week’s Cougar Town was: If you give up drinking then you will lose all your friends. This is why Cougar Town is my new favorite show.
ShitMyBossSays cont.
Audra: My knees really hurt today.
Jim: You know, I have a solution to your problem, Audra.
Audra: Really? What?
Jim: Oh, I don't know... maybe switch up positions.
Denise: Wow. Really Jim?
Jim: Yeah... it may work to your benefit in more ways than one if you weren't always on your knees.
Does this mean I was a 5-year-old Feminist?
For some odd reason, a kindegarten flashback found it’s way into my brain. Remember when you were little and you would wear undershirts? Boys would wear white t-shirts and girls had a white spaghetti strap. Whenever my kindergarten class had Gym (or P.E. whatever they call it here) the boys would always take their shirts off to expose their extremely sexy undershirt. Well, one day after an...
I'm sorry sir, but that is NOT a baby.
I was working at Riazzi’s last night and I had one of those tables again. You know, the kind where they HAVE to bring all of their children to a nice restaurant. Usually I complain about how annoying the kids are and how much of a mess they make during the 4 minute time span that they are actually awake. Well, my rant is actually about the husband this time. He kept referring to his 7 year...
Yep, you're legal.
Katie: I can't wait to get my tattoo, but my parents aren't happy about it.
Denise: You're an adult, it's your body. Do what you want.
Katie: No I'm not. I'm only 19.
Denise: ..which means you have been an adult for over a year, Katie.
Katie: Ooooooooooh yeah....
And she calls herself a Scrabble champion...
Laura: (talking about her computer) My "A" key is broken.
Denise: Your what key?
Laura: "A".. you know, like the most common letter in the English language.
Denise: Oh, I didn't understand what you what you said. And by the way, the most common letter is "E", not A.
Laura: Yeah, but A is more commonly used in my vocabulary. Like in the word, "Awesome."
Denise: Yeah.. notice there are two E's in that word and only one A.
Vocabulary Fail.
Remember Alejandra?
This year we decided to send Alex to Las Vegas and ban her from the Phoenix Open. Wanna know why? Well here’s a little convo we had about her adventures at the Open last year:
Alex: Yeah, it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t go to the Open this year. Last year I ended up breaking someone’s windshield.
Laura: How did that happen?
Alex: I threw my cell phone at it.
...
February 2010
18 posts
Things I Thank God For Daily cont.
Today I Thank God For: my ENG 359 class (Native American Literature of the Southeast)
About 2 weeks into the semester my professor decided to pull a fast one on me and completely ban laptops from class. Needless to say, I was extremely unhappy. It’s not like I was surfing the internet during class— I couldn’t get the internet to work in that ancient room even if my life depended...
Oh man, Helen is at it again.
My mom has made an appearance on this blog way too many times. But when Helen throws a gem my way, I polish it right up and swizzle it. Today, I met my mom for coffee on campus while I was on a break from classes. I was facebook stalking while I sat and waited for her and decided to leave my computer open while I went up to get our drinks. On my way back I noticed her stabbing my computer screen...
“this world don’t run without”
– “this world don’t run without pussy.” - katie snyder
All I am asking for is a little bit more...
…because then I wouldn’t have to vent about a boring facebook status. What I would like to read would go a little something like this: ”Alex is dancing in a medley of glitter and feathers while listening to rod stewart.” Now, that’s an awesome facebook status. You go, Alex. I wish I was doing that too. However, I think some of my friends have been lying on about their...
ShitMyBossSays on Valentine's Day
Jim: Happy Valentine's Day, Dustin.
Dustin: Happy Valentine's Day, Jim.
Jim: Yeah? How the pussies taste?
ShitMyBossSays cont.
Jim: (after pulling out a highchair at a table) Here you go Katie (a fellow server). Here's your chair. You can go ahead and take a seat whenever you would like.
Jeopardy!
I never miss an episode of Jeopardy! I even record it on my DVR just in case I’m not home to watch it. So, I think it’s safe to say that I LOVE JEOPARDY! However, I really don’t like how they force the other contestants to clap when one of them gets the Daily Double. I don’t think I could clap. All I would be able to do is look at that person and eerily say, “I wanted...
ShitMyBossSays cont.
This conversation between our hostess, Rebecca, and our boss, Jim, happened this morning. Enjoy:
Rebecca: Good Morning, Jim. Wendy from payroll was wondering if you could finish the payroll this afternoon.
Jim: Oh.. she did, did she?
Rebecca: Yes. She says she is going to Tucson later this afternoon and would like to leave the office as soon as possible to start her trip.
Jim: Ok. Hey Rebecca, can you do me a favor?
Rebecca: Yes, Jim?
Jim: Give Wendy a call back and tell her to go fuck herself.
Dear Alanis Morissette,
Although I am a fan of some of your work, I’m afraid that you are confused with what irony actually means. I am referring to the line “It’s like rain on your wedding day,” from the song “Ironic”. This is NOT an act of irony, this is simply just a shitty thing that could happen on your wedding day. Fix it. And the video? That doesn’t make sense either. Fix...
the day my sea monkies died.
I’m originally from New Jersey, and as we all know (or can imagine) the winters there can get a bit chilly. This is why most houses are equipped with something called a furnace— usually located in the basement. Our furnace was a very special furnace. When it flicked on, it made a sort of roaring sound. My older sister, Nancy(age 8), loved to pick on my younger brother, William (Age 3),...
A note to all asu girls- just because you got your ugly ass jeans to button does NOT mean they fit. Put that muffin top away Kirstie Alley
Does anyone know where I can find episodes of Three’s Company online? I’ve had a craving for it all day. I would prefer it to be free, but if I have to pay— it’s cool. Totally worth it.